Have You Turned Into Your Dad?

To paraphrase Benjamin Franklin, the only certainties in life are death, taxes and that we're all turning into our dads eventually. 

If you haven’t noticed the transformation yet, you will soon. According to a 2020 poll of several thousand men — commissioned, appropriately enough, by a steak retailer — guys notice that they’re becoming more like their fathers at around age 37, with 68 percent of them claiming that every year brings them a little closer to dad perfection.

Are you worried that you’re taking on the personality quirks that you once lovingly mocked in your father? We can answer you for that right now: You absolutely are. But just how much have you become the man you swore you'd never turn into? Take this quiz to find out, giving yourself one point for every question you answer with a yes.

1. Has it been less than 20 minutes since you’ve thought about your thermostat? 

2. After using a screwdriver to tighten something, have you announced to an otherwise empty room, “That’s not going anywhere”?

3. When you turn off the light in a room, is it often followed by a family member shouting, “Hey, I’m in here”?

4. Have you ever asked the hostess at Applebee’s if she could turn down the music?

5. Are most of your parenting decisions determined by asking, “What did Mom say?” 

6. Has sleeping on your ear wrong become a thing?

7. Is it imperative that you turn down the radio when looking for a parking spot?

8. Can you make an evening out of a bag of pistachios? 

9. Did you just arrive at the airport because your flight is scheduled to depart in five hours? 

10. Do you loudly proclaim “I’m a VIP” when given an unexpected discount at your grocery store?

11. Are you oddly invested in whether or not it was supposed to rain? 

12. Has your favorite new song ever turned out to be a jingle for an auto parts company? 

13. Do you know exactly where you’d hide if a Die Hard situation occurred at your job?

14. Have you been unusually distracted because you’re still trying to figure out a vanity license plate you saw last week? 

15. Do you talk at length to strangers about a restaurant’s specialty ketchup that has the perfect amount of smokiness to it?

16. Have you recently tried to turn on your TV with the wrong remote control?

17. Do you now only use “dude” as a disciplinary term? 

18. Are you unable to go to an event without first knowing what the parking situation is?

19. Is your most fraught relationship the one you have with dairy?

20. Do you often leave items in the dishwasher because you have no idea where they go?

21. Is your body currently paying the price for not having stretched before you brought in the groceries?

22. When you're at a restaurant and somebody you know walks in, do you loudly exclaim, "I knew I smelled trouble" or "Guess they'll let anyone in here”?

23. When someone doesn’t use the blinker while driving, does it affect the rest of your day?

24. Did you just drastically mispronounce the name of the Saturday Night Live musical guest?

25. Is “I got us a bunch of napkins” the first thing you say when returning to your restaurant table?

26. If it looks like a full moon, is it impossible for you to keep it to yourself?

27. Did you just utter with great incredulity, “This is considered classic rock now”? 

28. Have you ever inquired, “Why travel when we’ve got screen savers like this?”

29. Does one of your legs routinely fall asleep while on the toilet? 

30. Did you just ask the waiter his name and now have no idea what the waiter’s name is?

31. Have you ever asked your dentist if he or she could turn up the music? 

32. Are you minutes away from forwarding this quiz?

Answer Key

1 to 8 pts: You're not quite your dad yet, but you're at least the guy who chats about lawn fertilizer with him at the local hardware store. 

9 to 16 pts: You're just dad enough that you're frequently asked to open up stubborn jar lids and people have long since stopped asking your opinions on modern pop music. 

17 to 24 pts: You’ve crossed the threshold; you’re more dad than man now.

25 to 32 pts: You have almost completed your dads-formation. You’re such a dad that you probably started this quiz by declaring, “Let’s rock and roll!”